Dollar Store Haiku: Dirty Pastries

Dollar Store Haiku: Dirty Pastries

It’s that time of year again. Time for me to once again head on over to the Dollar Tree to pick up el cheapo gift bags, wrapping paper, tape, and hideously aged candy. I have oft imagined a network of sweat-shop elves wearing beer stained wife beaters, green cigarette-burned tights and a yellowish hue in their beards, feverishly restocking the shelves of the Tree each night. All through the night their chubby digits cramming heavily dented cans of baked beans next to Swirly brand toilet brushes and seemingly brand-less bags of “Chips.”

Last night, my eye-rolling family found themselves once again humoring me as I strode up and down the aisles of the store with a curious mix of wonder and maybe I shouldn’t touch that with bare hands. All the while in my apparent oblivion I chirped things like, “isn’t that awesome?” and “ooh look at that! Can you believe it’s only a dollar?” When yes, they can in fact believe it’s only a dollar because a) it’s a piece of shit and b) every piece of shit in the store is a dollar. See how that works? The whole store… everything in it… $1.00. Hence we have, the Dollar Store err Tree.

That brings me around to one of my favorite pastimes, Dollar Store Haiku. You missed it, I know.

Innuendo Snacks
Swiss Roll in the Honey Buns
Taboo 40 States

Got Jungle Fever
You’re Icing My Zebra Cakes
Sweet Cosmic Brownie

Requires great skill
Taking on Banana Twins
Eat one from each hand

7 Replies to “Dollar Store Haiku: Dirty Pastries”

  1. This is why I read your blog before anyone else’s. Even if you never mentioned motorcycles I would read your stuff anyway. I bow to your writing greatness! Very funny!

  2. Oh my! This is positively brilliant humor! Couldn’t have described the McDollar Store night stockers better if I tried with all my might.

  3. If ever a post needed a Spew Alert, this one was it.

    I think that you owe me a new keyboard, Madam …. as mine is now saturated with Diet Pepsi! 🙂

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