Having my picture taken isn’t fun. I hate the way I look.
Sometimes I go through the process of taking selfies to try to work through these feelings. At this point, it seems like a futile effort to come to terms with the aging person that I am.
When I look at the person in the pictures it’s never the person I feel like on the inside. Geeeeezus, who the fuck is this old bag with the tired eyes?!
What comes next is an exercise in tallying up all of the things that are “wrong” with me and then spiraling into a loop of self-loathing. Is this normal? Sometimes I feel like it might be. I mean, who isn’t plagued by some level of feeling like if they just had <insert thing here> then they’d feel a million-bajillion times better? Is it all just a matter of degrees?
Taking pics in my riding gear or with my helmet on, or even wearing my glasses feels much easier. There is a sense of safety in being covered in some way. You see me, but you don’t. I prefer that.
Who would’ve ever though just showing yourself to the world as you are, would be such an act of vulnerability? 🤷♀️Especially considering you walk around all day doing just that.
Anyway, this was me, in my safety suit, reflected in the SHAG store window in Palm Springs.
Stay weird, friends.