One of the ways I am being treated for being a nutball is talk therapy. For someone who isn’t generally good at in-person conversation, I find talking to my doctor easy, even when the topics are hard.
This week, my dude asked me: what would happen if I was just open about everything? Not just with him, but with everyone in my life. What if I were more transparent about my inner thoughts instead of defaulting to operating in silence.
At first I was like, what? I talk about all kinds of stuff. But as we began to unpack the topic going back as far as my childhood, it’s true. I hold so much close to the vest because people shouldn’t talk about those things or I can just figure it out on my own or I don’t feel like getting into an argument over it.
Some topics are indeed private or best not discussed in all forums. But, I don’t know how to get comfortable constructively communicating about interpersonal topics in general. On the surface it seems like a simple task, but I have to unlearn 44 years of conflict avoidance and isolating behavior. But what have I got to lose?
Maybe one of the reasons motorcycling is so important to me is that offers a curious balance between isolation and still being able to experience the world. It’s emotionally safe, exciting, enlightening and an education all wrapped into one activity. Motorcycles are magic.
This morning while I was walking the dog I felt the first faint glimmer of excitement about something in a very long time. The idea that I will soon be exploring a little part of the world on my bike actually made me feel good. While it’s too soon to get excited about the long range forecast of what that feeling meant, I hope that turning corners in my mindset is just as good as turning them on my momo.