Dear Dad – I Love You. Thank You for Loving Me.

Dear Dad – I Love You. Thank You for Loving Me.

Hi Dad,

No matter how many hours you spend listening to the air moving through a breathing machine, how much you stare at the peaks and valleys that roll across a hospital monitor, how long someone has been sick – you never really believe that one whoosh of air through the tubes will be the last. I know it has been a long and difficult battle and I know that you were tired. But I just can’t believe that you’re gone.

You always smiled sweetly when you told me the story of how I was just a wee girl and you bought me a beach bucket and shovel. When you gave it to me I looked up at you with stars in my eyes and said, “Oh, Daddy! You’re the best daddy I ever had.” Never has that been more true than today.

In just a few hours an irreparable hole has been torn in the fabric of my life. Though I’ve tried to steel myself to eventually face this day, the truth is – you can never really be prepared for this type of finality. I miss knowing you are here in the world. It tears me apart that I will never again hear you say, “boy, am I glad to see you,” and I’ll never again say, “I’m always glad to see you,” in return. You know, the way we always did.

When you last held my hand and touched my cheek, you asked me to say a prayer for you. Well, I want you to know that I did. I prayed for you to have peace, to be without fear, without pain. But I can’t help but be afraid. I’m afraid that I’ll forget what your voice sounds like or that I won’t be able to hear your laugh anymore when I think about you.

Mom told me today that you still carry my kindergarten picture in your wallet. After 35 years in there it has long since faded but she said you still loved it. Even though you’ve always told me that you love me and that you are proud of me, it’s the little things like that make me feel like a million bucks. Underneath that tough, brave, unapologetic exterior you have always been a softy. Thank you for always loving me, no matter what.

I’m really sad that we never did get to take a ride in the Ural together. I know how much you were looking forward to that. If it’s okay with mom, I’d like to ride you to the place where we will spread your ashes. Never in a million years did I think our ride together would turn out this way, but it is all I can do.

“Don’t you let those boys see you cry.” Do you remember when you said that to me? Well, I’m trying, Dad. I’m trying.

I love you. Always.

-Rach

My Dad <3

21 Replies to “Dear Dad – I Love You. Thank You for Loving Me.”

  1. Oh Fuzzy I’m sorry to see this. You wrote this so beautifully. I don’t have any wise words to give you but I lost my mom suddenly a few years back. It change the way I look at the world and how I spend my time. Not having them to call about good news was and still is tough. That picture is really great. Foot clutches and tank shifters made the real bikers.

  2. Sorry for your loss Fuzzy. I know what losing a father like that can mean. I will share one thing I’ve learned, a gift from a dad like that, on a morning in the not too distant future you’ll wake up, think about him, and smile. They seem to plant so many good memories that they just take over. I have to believe they knew how to take care of us during their life — and beyond.

    I hope the coming days bright you peace.

    Steve Williams
    Scooter in the Sticks

  3. I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t think it’s enough to express condolences online so I mailed you a card today with more personal thoughts. Hang in there.

  4. Hard not to tear up reading that, Rach.

    You are very lucky to have such a dad in your life. It’s obvious had a very large and positive influence on you. I hope you know how proud of you he was, proud of you, your family and the love you create.
    We should all be so lucky to have a father like that.
    Much love, Rach.
    -David

  5. Such an amazing tribute to an obviously amazing man. How could he not be the greatest, with a daughter like you. Much love and hugs sent to you from across the globe, you and your family are in my thoughts fuzzy. Take care, keep smiling, Anthony x

  6. I too am so sorry for your loss. it is just never easy losing someone close and especially hard when it is a parent.

    A beautiful post is a fitting tribute.

    Take care of yourself and make sure you get lots of hugs.

  7. Pretty Miss Fuzzy,
    I have no magic words to take the pain away. You won’t forget the sound of his voice. There will be little things that pop up out of the blue and bring both a smile to your face and tears to your eyes.

    It was twenty-six years ago today that I buried my Daddy. He will always be on my mind and in my heart. For him it was a ride in that Jeep I bought. He did get to make just one. He always wanted a four wheel drive. Never had one. I remember that day carrying him out there in his pajamas. Setting him in the passenger seat. I still hear his laughter as we slung some mud and as he put it “jumped some ditches”.

    The respect, love and adoration I have for you grows with each and every word of yours that I read. You, pretty lady are a very special person. What a blessing you are for so many of us.

    Much love,

    Ronman

  8. I am so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful tribute to your dad. I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now. It is clear that your dad was a huge influence upon how you live your life. Your post was beautiful. Take care of yourself. You are a most amazing and inspiring lady! Hugs from Florida.

  9. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Daddy nearly 23 years ago. Your post brought me to tears.

    I’m never closer to my father than when I’m riding. . .

    Sash

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