Truth, Forgiveness and Freedom Behind Bars

Truth, Forgiveness and Freedom Behind Bars

Following my meltdown on Sunday morning, I did the only thing I know to do when nothing makes sense. I ran away. I got on my bike and went for a ride. Like a shark, sometimes I need to keep moving so that I can keep breathing.

When I get behind the bars I am free. Now it’s time to peel back the layers and do the same when I’m not going 70mph.

The hurt that we inflict upon our own hearts is the most painful of all, I think. Mostly because you can’t reason with the person who decided to carry it around to begin with.

Sometimes I experience guilt based on some arbitrary measurement applied to what I’m “allowed” to feel about things. Well, that guy lost a limb so I have no right to feel sad about something that scarred me but didn’t physically maim me. This type of thinking is stupid. It doesn’t work. It only leaves a trail of breadcrumbs for the monster under the bed to find me later.

Truth and forgiveness. These are what I want to will in to my existence. When I have them I will be free.

Thank you to everyone who sent emails, messages, left comments and kind words. Knowing that you’re willing to care about me in spite of me means more than I can possibly express here. Understanding that you matter to someone who needs nothing from you is overwhelming.

“You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

The Velveteen Rabbit – Margery Williams

9 Replies to “Truth, Forgiveness and Freedom Behind Bars”

  1. “Truth and forgiveness. These are what I want to will in to my existence. When I have them I will be free.”

    In our culture of perfection we’re lead to believe that if we just do the right things, make the right decisions all will be well.
    A couple of thoughts I’ve been trying to adopt m

  2. Sorry, posted b4 I could finish…

    I’m trying to adopt meditation and one of the tenets is that distractions will come into your mind and you need to acknowledge them and let them go. You’re going to always have thoughts that don’t feel “truthful and forgiving” the trick I think is to have less of them and more quickly move back to the thoughts you want.
    Secondly, I’m trying to be concious that anything in my life before now can’t be changed. The only power the past has is to inform my future. As you say “just get over it” doesn’t help, but keeping our past in perspective can help.

    No one needs to tell you to stay strong because you clearly already are. What you need to remember is you aren’t alone.

    Be well

  3. One of my favorite quotes ever. It’s precisely these life events that make you “Become”.
    Learn the lessons but leave the bad experiences. If you hold on to the bad stuff you stay stuck.
    Start telling yourself the story of how you want things to be, go forward…..ride on.

  4. You do indeed matter. Though we may never physically meet on the road your courage to share your life through pictures and the written word has brought the world you live in – and thereby you – into our homes and hearts.

    There’s always a silver lining somewhere in the cloud (even if you have to carry the can of spray paint in yourself)

    Ride On!

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