Some Roadside Thoughts on the Afterlife

While traveling over the last year, I’ve had a few curious brushes with the afterlife. The first came in the form of two billboards along I-71 in Ohio. Just my two cents ~ two billboards of the apocalypse is far less catchy than four horsemen. They’re off to a good start, but they just fail to really bring it home without the plague and pestilence.

You’ll have to forgive the bad photo quality, I barely had time to grab my phone to snap a pic as the dawning realization of what they said made itself known.

Hell is Real. Nothing encourages people like fear. How uplifting.

This photo is really terrible, sorry about that. It says: If you died today, where would you spend eternity? Considering what I’m thinking about the fact that these billboards were $8,000 a piece? Probably in hell.

Independence, Missouri: Something just struck me so funny about the idea of a casket outlet. Maybe it’s an outdated usage of the term, but from my youth, an “outlet” would have typically been a place where you could buy clothing that was irregular at heavily discounted prices. Maybe the pockets on the pants were sewn shut or the socks had no actual opening at the top to put your foot in? That sort of thing.

Imagining what an irregular casket might be just kind of tickled me. A scratch and dent? Holes cut for the feet to stick out? Custom pearl orange with a shag carpet interior that someone never picked up?

As an aside, when my dad died, he was cremated. While sitting and making the arrangements with the funeral dude (official title) he told my mom and I that when his remains were ready, someone would have to retrieve them from the funeral home. Otherwise, they’d send him to the house C.O.D.

I don’t know why I find this dementedly hilarious. The way that whole scene plays out in my mind is just comical. Can you imagine, the doorbell rings and there is a FedEx guy with your dad in a box and you have no cash on hand?

It’s like Wednesdays at Carvel! Maybe I have a warped sense of humor but this sign at Greencastle Cemetery near Dayton, Ohio made me chuckle. There are some scenarios in life that using a coupon or a BOGO offer just feel funny to me. And their streetview $499 lettering feels a little… used car dealer?

This barn is far more charming than the billboards, but I can’t say why. Maybe I’m less worried because by the look of that peeling paint, it can’t be that soon.

Thankfully, it wasn’t at the end of that road in particular.