The only way out is through

The only way out is through

So far I haven’t taken a slew of photos on this trip. The feelings I’ve experienced each day are a little different than those I’ve felt before. Perhaps it is because I left home not in a flurry of excitement but rather with a sense of… duty? Almost as if this trip is part of a process I have to go through in order to get to something on the other side. Like “work” that I need to do for and on myself.

Now, don’t get me wrong – it isn’t that I’m not enjoying myself. But there is an ebbing and flowing through highs and lows. The upside is the frequency and severity of those mood swings is diminished when compared to daily home life. But, on days like yesterday, my solitude can be disrupted by getting stuck in a loop and obsessing over one thought or idea for hours at a clip. I know this trip isn’t magic, but it’s still disappointing when my mind behaves like a skipping record.

So far I have seen a handful of things that I would usually take photos of to share. But, so far I just haven’t. And it’s been obvious shareable stuff like the muffler man in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. No picture. Or the peanut LOVEWork in Emporia, Virginia. No picture. Or the writing in the dust on an SUV rear window that said: “Make someone smile today. You don’t know what they’re going through. It means more than you realize.” No picture.

While riding along I thought about that dust message quite a bit. Why didn’t I snap a photo to share? It’s a message anyone could benefit from. Maybe it was a message that I needed to know for myself. Maybe I need to remember to put other people’s needs ahead of my own and DO that and not just pass it along.

Maybe.

10 Replies to “The only way out is through”

  1. Maybe that message was for you, so you just kept it for yourself to think over. Perhaps you should force yourself to smile more at random moments. It will feel ridiculous and funny and might just help wear away some of that other stuff.

  2. Hmmmm, sounds to me like you’re still feeling pressure. This trip is for you Fuzzy, just relax and enjoy yourself 🙂

  3. I think that we all struggle to make sense of our lives to a greater or lesser degree. Sometimes a scene lasts a long time (like raising kids), sometimes when the scene changes, it throws the pieces of us up for grabs, and it takes a little while and a lot of work to reassemble the key pieces into a new scene. That’s life, and it’s certainly worth the effort. I’m in the well past the mid point of setting up an entirely new scene. I’m hoping that it will be a comfortable and rewarding setting featuring quite a few more outlets for creativity.

  4. Remember, the down feelings are a temporary condition. It may be hard to believe at times like this, but you will feel good again.

  5. Racheal, the fact that you are out again is a great achievement, you are sick, depression is a sickness that takes away the ability to enjoy life. Do what you can, we’ll support you every step of the way.

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